Every July, we celebrate Independence Day with fireworks, family gatherings, and reminders of the freedoms that have shaped this country. This year feels especially significant as America marks 250 years since its founding. It is also a very reflective time for me, as one who came to this country as an immigrant.
The night before our flight, our suitcases stood by the door. My brother and I, the oldest of four, could hardly contain our excitement. To us, America represented opportunity, possibility, and the chance to build a future we had only imagined. My father, who had spent years pursuing educational opportunities outside Kenya himself, knew both the promise and the responsibility that came with those opportunities. As we sat across from him, he offered one piece of advice that has stayed with me ever since: “Take every opportunity as a gift.”
Though we didn’t fully understand the magnitude of his words, we sensed they would guide us as we learned to make our own decisions and grow into our own independence.
So I don’t experience this celebration in quite the same way as someone who was born here. Instead, I find myself reflecting on what first drew me here—the opportunity to build, to contribute, to imagine something new. There is a spirit of independence woven into this country that encourages people to take initiative, solve problems, and create.
As I reflected on that, another question came to mind: if independence is something we celebrate and admire in adults, why is it sometimes so difficult to give our children opportunities to develop it?
One of the greatest gifts of Montessori is that it reframes independence. It’s not about expecting children to do everything on their own. It’s about recognizing that every child has an inner drive to grow in capability—and our role is to prepare an environment where that drive can unfold. We first see it in an infant stretching just a little farther to reach a toy. A toddler insists, “I do it!” as they struggle with their shoes. A child proudly pours their own milk. A teenager wants greater responsibility. A young adult chooses a path that reflects who they are becoming. Independence isn’t something that suddenly appears—it quietly unfolds throughout life.
With this in mind, I ask myself: how then would I allow my child to practice his independence? Yes, I said practice. Why? Because every part of our journey to independence takes practice.
Children practice walking. They practice talking. They practice eating. They practice tying shoes. They practice making mistakes.
Practice is how independence grows. Our role as adults is to prepare the environment or circumstance, and then step back and observe before intervening.
As we celebrate another Independence Day, I’m reminded that independence is never handed to us fully formed. Nations grow into it. Adults grow into it. Children do too. Every spilled cup, every backwards shirt, every extra minute it takes to zip a jacket is more than a task completed—it’s another opportunity for a child to discover, “I can.” Perhaps that’s one of the greatest gifts we can give our children: not doing more for them, but believing they are capable of doing more for themselves.
One of my favorite quotes by Maria Montessori is: “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.”
A MOMENT FOR MAMA
This week, may you notice one moment when your child reaches for independence—and one moment when you find the courage to let them.
